Reserve Bank Shelves Plans for New $5 Note After Realising: “You Can Buy Stuff All with it!”

The Reserve Bank has embarrassingly had to cut short its planned roll out of the new five dollar note after realising that you can’t actually buy anything for five dollars anymore.

The Reserve Bank Governor, who previously was an advocate of the most technologically advanced note ever designed, spoke of his recent experience, “I came up to Sydney on the weekend and went to buy a takeaway coffee. And it cost me $5.10. Who the fuck charges more than five bucks for a coffee – it wasn’t even that good!” The Governor said this experience changed his position on the new note, “Who cares how many new features the $5 note has got, you can buy stuff all with it!”

One man, an owner of a hipster bar in the city, said he wasn’t fussed by the new note anyway, “We haven’t served anything for less than ten dollars in awhile. We’re kinda surprised the five dollar note still exists to be honest.”

Keen observers of economic trends were surprised that the new five dollar note was to be introduced, expecting it to go the way of the 1 cent and 2 cent coins.  “We considered that five dollar notes had been made obsolete due to inflation and cost of living pressures. Even dollar shops routinely sell stock priced at over $10” one economist said. “Once upon a time you could get your kid entry to the Easter Show on an even fiver. Nowadays you head to the Easter Show and for five bucks your kid might, at best, get a small sip of someone else’s coke – if they’re nice.”



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