Dastyari speaks out: “I’m Definitely Not Influenced By Foreign Funds But Hey Try This Chinese Snack Pack, it’s Great!”

Sam Dastyari, the Labor senator, has today denied he was influenced by foreign funding but says that the “all new Chinese Snack Pack was the best thing he’s ever tasted.”

The senator speaking at a press conference said the new snack pack is a “a layer of spring rolls, a layer of fried rice, one or more meats, followed by the holy trinity of sauces: soy, Sriracha Chili and, most importantly, MSG.”

Dastyari explained that the meat choices include “all my chinese favourites, such as sweet and sour dog, chicken feet and roast panda.”

“I still love HSPs but CSPs are the future!” he replied when queried as to how this fits with his position on Halal Snack Packs. “I will be starting a new CSP appreciation society once the funds are cleared by customs.”

The senator continued to deny that payments he received from a Chinese-linked company influenced him at all: “I’ve always liked lots of things about China, such as the colour red, Jackie Chan and communism.”

He also pledged to respect China’s position on the South China Sea, and continue to encourage Australia to drop its opposition to China’s air defence zone, as soon as he receives his Rolex.

The senator surprisingly announced he was stepping down from the Labor front bench so that he could spend more time with his newfound love of competitive ping pong.

Dastyari unfortunately had to leave the press conference early to go do his homework and practice the piano.

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