Malcolm Roberts Receives Briefing from Kindergarten Class on Basic Scientific Principles

Controversial One Nation Senator Malcolm Roberts has received a briefing on basic scientific principles and climate change from a kindergarten class at Bearmont Public School after the outspoken climate sceptic demanded in question time on Thursday to see “data that proves claims that humans affect global climate change.”

Science Minister Greg Hunt had initially asked representatives from the scientific agency CSIRO to meet with Senator Roberts. However, Minister Hunt later realised the CSIRO meeting would be “too complex” for the Senator and it would be better if the kindergarten class instructed him instead because Roberts “lacked the fundamental understanding of basic science.”

Eager youngster, Josie Finlay, 5 from Coogee, was happy to take on the task of explaining the simple concepts to Roberts. “Global warming is kinda like getting an Icy Pole at little lunch from the tuckshop but then it starts melting,” Josie began. “But then instead of you with the Icy Pole, it’s the Earth. And when it’s melted, instead of you being a little sad over having no yummy Icy Pole, six billion people are displaced, homeless or dead.”

Mrs MacCready, the Kindergarten teacher, said the class then spent the best part of a day trying to teach Roberts that global temperatures were increasing. However the class ran into a roadblock when they realised that Roberts didn’t know which direction was up.

Mrs MacCready was less than impressed, “Malcolm’s knowledge of science is at the level of an inattentive kindergartener who naps when it isn’t nap time.  During class Malcolm did a finger painting of a dinosaur, which he proudly said was a self-portrait. But then he tried to hang it up using silly string.”

“We tried to show him a few things but whatever we were teaching him he simply did not want to learn,” she said. “Malcolm spent most of the time misbehaving, and putting his hands over his ears and covering his eyes. In the end I just made him stand in the corner and think about the naughty things he has done, which is pretty much all he does in the Senate.”

“By gosh if the cane was still legal, that little shit would have copped a hiding!”





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