The traditional Australian greeting, mooning, has been outlawed in Victoria upsetting many in the community who have come to rely on saying hello by exposing their bare buttocks.
Among those outraged at the decision was one man, Bazza Johnson, who said “it’s kinda like banning shaking hands or bowing.”
“It’s become a traditional greeting among my people,” he stated. “Because ‘gday cunts’ seems a bit too formal. Nowadays not exposing your bum is even seen as a bit rude.”
Bazza added that “typically I’d be saying hello while holding a VB” and he was particularly fond of greeting his mates from a moving vehicle. “There’s a bit more skill to it when you’re making sure you keep your balance. And you can mix it up by doing it out the window or pressing it up against the glass,” he said.
“You can even use it to attract a sheila,” he went on. “Cause if you see a good sort you might wag it a little while wolf-whistling. I mean, the possibilities are endless.”
Fellow mooning enthusiast Pete said the cheeky practice should be seen as “a national icon, kinda like the emu and the kangaroo.”
“Mate, it’s part of our culture,” he explained. “Everyone knows when the unofficial national anthem Eagle Rock comes on, we drop our dacks. But it’s not as well known that we’re supposed to drop our dacks when the official national anthem comes on too. I’m pretty sure that part about ‘Nature’s gifts Of beauty rich and rare’ is really about our naturally beautiful arses.”
“Plus you know, mooning can also be a harmless prank, a sign of protest, or just livening up a particularly boring game of footy – you can do a lot with it!”
Bazza and Pete are a bit worried, with first-time offenders facing up to two months in jail while repeat offenders could spend six months behind bars.
“Might be worth a six month stint in the clink just to make sure we keep our traditional Australian customs alive” Bazza said.