A group of activists has been encouraging Hillary Clinton to take part in a challenge to the US election results in key states Wisconsin, Michigan, and Pennsylvania after warning there are enough irregularities to warrant investigation.
The same group of activists have warned that voting irregularities go as far back as the 2003 Australian Idol vote that crowned Guy Sebastian as winner over Shannon Noll. It was a result that was long been suspected to have been rigged or at least to have been caused by a lot of people voting for the wrong fucking guy.
“The Australian Idol 2003 vote has clear parallels to the 2016 US presidential election,” Clinton observed. “It was one entertainer with bad hair winning over the clear popular favourite. We are trying to establish if there are any patterns in these results that could explain why the fuck everything went wrong against all odds.”
“This challenge is not about changing the election result, it is about securing confidence in our Idol voting system,” she said. “That’s not to say it wasn’t an absolute travesty. But, as much as it still pains me to say that, we know Guy Sebastian won.”
“But this is about securing a process that ensures that every vote actually counts for the candidate that each voter intended to receive that vote,” Clinton added. “I just don’t understand how anyone didn’t intend to vote for Nollsy.”
“We haven’t found anything yet but fuck me, if there are any voting irregularities, Nollsy will have to cancel his holiday plans! Hopefully he gets a bit of forewarning as he’ll need time to start growing his soul patch again.”
The Clinton camp has indicated that there may well have been Russian interference in the computer voting process although there has yet to be any solid proof.
It is believed they are also investigating whether Russian hackers affected Dami Im’s Australian Eurovision vote, Richie’s terrible decision making in The Bachelor and the highly questionable election of Malcolm Roberts to the Australian Senate.